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From:

dr_libra_phd

Sorry for the late post! Had to take a shift after classes today.

Warning: no sex--wait a minute....LOL

———————————————-
Part 14D
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(Yusuf)

Somewhere outside of Alexandria, 12th century

“I found your pen.”

Yusuf could not help but flinch. He glanced across the table where Nicolo sat on their pallet; he knew Nicolo caught it.

By the time Yusuf cleared away the pieces of the chair and rearranged the table close to the pallet again, the small cast iron kettle of rice and lentils have cooled. And Nicolo went silent.

Dinner was quiet, save the scrape of bread into the bowl of grain. Yusuf was thankful their conversation and Nicolo’s unnerving request did not affect Nicolo’s appetite. His portion was modest, but normal as of late. Come to think of it, Nicolo never seemed to eat more than a bowl can fill and rarely went for seconds.

So when Nicolo finally spoke, it felt as loud as a shout.

Yusuf carefully cleaned his bowl with a chunk of bread, scooping up the rice and lentils. He popped it in his mouth; Nicolo was hesitant with the spices and the mixture needed more water, but the concoction was surprisingly good.

Chewing slowly to give himself time to think, Yusuf wordlessly nodded.

It seemed enough for Nicolo. He breathed out as he swept his bread chunk over the sauce the grains made at the bottom of his bowl. Done, he did not put it in his mouth though. He stared blankly into his bowl at the soaked bread.

“Why did you keep it?” Nicolo asked low.

Yusuf swallowed, sipped his tea and made a face at the combination the tea made with the lingering spices on his tongue.

“It is a good pen.”

“It is broken.”

Yusuf looked over to Nicolo. He set his mouth and nodded. He remembered the day they found this house. That first night, Nicolo almost choked in his own vomit during a nightmare. Yusuf helped Nicolo get resettled, sat with him until the whimpers Nicolo thought he kept quiet trickled away.

Yusuf found the pen when he was searching for a rag. When Nicolo went back to sleep, he took it outside and tried to crack it with the hilt of his scimitar. Again and again until his palm was raw from holding his blade too tight.

“You tried to break it.”

"Tried," Yusuf acknowledged gruffly. There was no point in denying it. "I failed."

Nicolo finally picked up the bread, ate it and washed it down with his own tea. He made the same face.

Yusuf scoffed before he could stop himself.

“Perhaps I should have just boiled water,” Yusuf murmured.

“Perhaps I should have used a different spice,” Nicolo returned. He took another sip of tea, made another face and shook his head.

“Be reassured your mastery of imaginative cooking remains unchallenged. Nothing was stranger than your attempts to stuff goat meat into a tiny fig.”

Yusuf chuckled. “Again, victory is mine.”

Something tensed that hung between them dissipated, like a storm that never came to be. Nicolo smirked wearily at Yusuf.

“Yet at times, it feels like I was the one who won the prize.” Nicolo ran a thumb across the table. It appeared like he was checking for splinters.

"How odd," Yusuf said, his lips curled up as he gazed at Nicolo, "I feel exactly the same."

Nicolo ducked his head, but not before Yusuf caught the small smile.

“Why did you keep it?” Nicolo asked after a moment, his voice unsure. “It was clear you tried to destroy it, but it would not break entirely. Why did you not throw it into the sea or bury it in the desert?”

Yusuf almost shrugged again, but it occurred to him that the easy, careful answers kept them too cautious of wounds yet to close up completely. He took a deep breath. He swore he would fight for Nicolo even if it meant words that may cut as deep as his blade.

“The pen reminds me not to forget.” Yusuf willed himself to not look away from Nicolo’s dismayed eyes. They looked bleached of color. Yusuf almost took his answer back.

“Of what I have done,” Nicolo said dully.

Yusuf shook his head. “Of you.”

Nicolo blinked startled at Yusuf.

Yusuf rose from the table and joined Nicolo on the pallet. He cupped Nicolo’s shoulders and prodded him to face him.

“The pen is a beautiful instrument in the hands of an artist.” Yusuf rubbed Nicolo’s upper arms. They felt cool.

“A tool.” Nicolo nodded, misunderstanding and shrinking under Yusuf’s hands.

Yusuf shook his head. He gripped Nicolo’s chin and lifted it up so Nicolo could read the pride in his eyes.

“To those who failed to appreciate it,” Yusuf murmured. “But a tool breaks easily. This pen...did not.”

Yusuf’s thumb swept over the sparse scuff he could feel on Nicolo’s chin.

“I tried to break the pen because yes, it reminded me of what you did to get it. And I will admit seeing the pen angered me of my failings—“

“It wasn’t—“

“Sh.” Yusuf brushed his lips lightly on Nicolo’s mouth. “Let me finish, hobi, I may not have the courage later to say this.”

Nicolo’s eyes were wide. He nodded as best he could and fell silent.

Yusuf's throat felt too small for his words. He studied Nicolo, drinking in the structure of his face, the shape of his jaw, the pink of his mouth.

"You did not break," Yusuf breathed. He settled a hand on Nicolo's jaw. "You were treated cruelly like a mere tool, but you did not break. The cracks are there, but they will not be visible forever and you will once more be an instrument of your own choosing."

Yusuf's lower lip shook as he continued. "It is why I can not fuck you, not in the way you think would help you or please me. I refuse to let you use your own body as a tool to a means again. Not for coin. Not for a way to fix things. That is not the way."

Nicolo's eyes were overly bright. He lowered his eyes, gulping as he fought for calm.

Yusuf's hand brushed over the angles of cheekbone and jaw, savored the roughness on the skin, marveled at the softness of a vulnerable lower lip.

"I wanted to have things the way it was before," Nicolo croaked. "When Cairo did not hang over us, when everything I did could blur into memory and I could step away cleaned."

"Nicolo." Yusuf shifted closer until their thighs touched. "Cairo does not haunt us. What you did for me, for us, is a bittersweet memory and a humbling reminder of how generous your heart is. You are not soiled, nothing about you is corrupted. You are like the pen. A beautiful pen that can create wonderful things that did not break."

Yusuf palmed Nicolo's leg, his fingers tapping lightly in Nicolo's inner thigh.

"I would gladly defend you from everyone, fight the demons in your dreams, show you how you truly are, but until you feel like you can stand your ground without me, I do not think you are ready to be with me."

Yusuf let his hand drift higher until it cupped Nicolo's covered cock, lax under cloth.

"Am I right?" Yusuf prodded gently. "The thought may excite me, but not if it does not excite you as well."

Nicolo stubbornly arched into Yusuf's hand to grind his cock into his hand. He exhaled, frustrated, when Yusuf pulled his hand away.

"Yusuf," Nicolo muttered, frustrated. He covered his face with his hand.

"I do not like this," Nicolo's voice cracked. "But you are correct. I saw the pen and I thought of how tired I was of trying to forget and unable to stop reacting to everything."

Yusuf pressed his lips on Nicolo's fingers and followed them up to kiss Nicolo's brow.

"The pen," Yusuf hedged. "Do you wish me to rid of it?"

Nicolo shook his head.

"But I wish to be rid of feeling like a stranger to myself," Nicolo muttered. "I thought if you fuck me, then this unsettling feeling of waiting would be over. I know it would hurt and if I faced it sooner than--"

"Was this what Dirar told you?" Yusuf managed to sound calm. Yusuf's chest seized when Nicolo nodded.

"You are big," Nicolo said as if he was remarking on the weather, but his fingers trembled when he held up two fingers. "You were larger in my mouth than the others--you were larger," he finished awkwardly. "I do not think you would fit as your fingers did. D-Dirar said my blood and his co--"

"No." Yusuf captured Nicolo's cold hands. He pulled them to his mouth and kiss the shaky hands again and again.

"No. Forget everything he said. Forget everything any of them say. It will not be like that. I swear to you. It will only happen when you truly desire it and I will only let it happen joyously."

Yusuf's throat worked. "Yes, I am...large, it will be a difficult fit, but I would loosen you up. Carefully, slowly, touching you with my fingers first."

Nicolo swallowed. His eyes drifted to Yusuf's hands.

"Loosen me up," Nicolo murmured. "They asked D--they asked if they should and I was not sure what they meant." His mouth pressed together into a white line. His throat worked. "I thought it meant they would just shove their...in me."

Yusuf's eyes burned. He kissed Nicolo's hands again within his grasp.

"No," Yusuf promised. "We would take our time. I would lay you out on the softest sheets, have you warm and slick around my fingers: one, two, three."

Nicolo visibly gulped.

"Yes," Yusuf murmured. "Three. We have only done two. But you are correct. I am large in girth and the stretch in you would be incredible. We may even need four. Oh, I would revel seeing you let me slip four fingers in you. But only when you are ready. I will slide in slowly, very slowly, so you can feel yourself filled and full and possessed. And I will burrow within you, spill within you over and over until you drip with my claim."

Yusuf pulled Nicolo's hands to his heart so Nicolo would sense the promise.

"And one day," Yusuf rasped, "I would welcome the feel of you claiming my body. When the day comes, I will embrace your lovely cock with welcome like how I drink you deep in my throat. I would gladly ride you and be the filled vessel of your release."

Nicolo's hands clutched the spot over Yusuf's heart.

"But that day is not now," Nicolo said. He sounded certain, relieved. Grateful. "It sounds..."

"Frightening," Yusuf supplied with a soft smile. "But when the day comes that it does not, we will join together on equal standing. We are both not there yet."

Nicolo exhaled as he leaned tiredly into Yusuf.

Yusuf hugged Nicolo to him as he pulled them back to curl on top of the bed. Not for sleep, but to enjoy what felt like a new road appearing before them. He felt Nicolo fidgeting closer, the warmth of his body a sweet torture Yusuf gladly embraced. He breathed deeply and felt Nicolo do the same.

"I hope the day is soon," Nicolo whispered.

Yusuf hummed.

"It will."
------------------------

Gah. Homework or kink. Homework or kink. Home--

LOL. Okay, I be an adult (wah). Homework first. More tomorrow.

<3 to all still sticking around for this!

From: (Anonymous)

Considering how supremely hot Yusuf describing what he was going to do was, I eagerly await the moment itself 🔥 Four fingers... 🔥🔥🔥🔥

From: (Anonymous)

Oh wow... that was *fans self*. So beautiful and tender, yet so hot. I love that you haven’t glossed over everything and let them work through that trauma and feelings at their own pace. This is the first thing I check every morning and you never fail to make my heart feel all the things x