theoldguardkinkmeme | Fills Post

Fills Post

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The silence spiked in the space between them at Joe’s last word. He hadn’t looked Nicky in the eye once since he’d started relating his dream and he couldn’t look up from his clenched hands now.

He had to fight not to flinch back from Nicky’s fingers as they came reaching out to ease the tension from his fists, stroking gently so that Joe couldn’t resist relaxing his hands and letting Nicky take them in his.

“It wasn’t real, omri.” Nicky said in that soft, earnest, serious voice which lent an honest profundity to his words that seemed to elude the rest of them. “We’re not responsible for our dreams.”

Joe shook his head. “But it made me come.” He said, wretchedly. “It wasn’t just the dream. I… reacted to it. To your pain.”

Nicky seemed momentarily thrown but he rallied easily, squeezing Joe’s hand in his. “Your body reacted to something your mind happened to throw out as erotic. I know you, Yusuf. I know how hard you’d fight for me if I was in trouble.” Nicky reached out and tentatively laid his palm gently against the side of Joe’s face – Joe didn’t twitch it off. “As vehemently as I’d fight for you.”

Nicky’s calm, measured reasoning was picking apart the knots that Joe had been carrying in his stomach and his heart and his head ever since he’d woken from the nightmare. He finally looked up to look Nicky in the face and slowly leaned in to kiss him, putting his own hand against the nape of Nicky’s neck to bring him in closer.

He broke the kiss but still held Nicky close, their foreheads resting together as though they really could read each other’s minds.

“Vita mia.” He murmured, low and fond and then slipped Nicky another quick kiss before sitting back, taking his hands and standing up with him. He rubbed a thumb against the soft, thin skin under Nicky’s eye like he was brushing away the tension he’d caused there. “Let me put you back to bed tesoro?”

Nicky didn’t say anything. Just smiled, that small curve of his mouth, and let Joe do as he’d asked.

(ooc: just a small one, illness has made me slow but I'll be writing more as soon as I can)

Ah! Finally! I felt for poor Joe so strongly reading this, maybe he’ll finally find some peace?

(Get well soon!)

Thank you for taking the time to comment! I really appreciate it :) Thank you for your sweet message too <3

Sorry you’re not feeling well but thank you for sharing this little piece with us.
My heart breaks for Joe, he’s so torn up about this and Nicky has so much faith in him, more faith than Joe does in himself and it’s heartbreaking but so lovely.

Thank you for taking the time to comment <3 Nicky LOVES his Joe, Joe is tormented <3

I was happy to see an update to this story. And I hope you feel better soon!

I like making you happy! :D And thank you, so sweet!

Aww! Poor Joe. I don't even think this is a particularly out-there thing to happen: his sleeping brain was trying to process the traumatic memories + the physically pleasurable reality of Nicky's closeness at the same time and came up with "Trauma is sexy I guess?? Sure, let's throw THAT at the wall."

His misery was really well-painted and I'm so glad you gave him some relief.

I think everyone's had weird uncharacteristic dreams, especially of things that might disturb you in waking life - stuff comes up in the subconscious. You're absolutely right, it was a combination of the physical and the annoying subconscious and the trauma of Keane killing Nicky.

Thank you so much for your detailed comment, I love it and thank you for taking the time to write it out :)

Nicky thought that the whole thing had been put to bed when Joe put him to bed, but weeks later he wondered if his relief hadn’t been premature.

Joe had woken Nicky the next morning rubbing slow, lazy circles against his stomach and nosing against the back of Nicky’s neck. Nicky had turned his head towards Joe and they’d spent a chunk of the morning just kissing; after the strain of the distance between them the day before they both felt the need to reconnect with each other.

The tension in the house had clearly had drained away by the time the pair meandered out into the kitchen. Nile was standing over a pot boiling on the stove and looked a little as though she was considering going back to bed.

Andy was sitting back on one of the wooden kitchen chairs, legs crossed, cup of coffee in one hand and the local newspaper in the other; she arched an eyebrow at them over the top of her paper.

“Buongiorno Nile, Andy.” Nicky greeted, moving over to pour two cups of coffee from the still warm pot.

“Good morning.” Joe echoed sunnily, taking a seat beside Andy.

“Morning.” Nile greeted around a yawn.

“You’re cheerful this morning.” Andy addressed Joe. “Good night?”

Joe grinned back at her saucily in response, looking away as Nicky placed a mug of coffee in front of him. “Grazie amore mio.”

Nicky sat down opposite Andy, nursing his coffee. Nile was beginning to regret deciding to boil an egg for breakfast rather than just pour out a bowl of cereal.

That seemed to have put a line under the entire incident for everybody and they later parted ways for a while. Andy said she wanted to take Nile to some trainers around the world who could introduce her to sword-work – she thought Nile might want to expand her weapons skills above and beyond what the American military had taught her.

Joe and Nicky had declined to accompany them, at least at first, citing a desire to tune up the safe house in Brasov after Copley spoke about the possibility of some work coming up for the team in Romania.

The house was a roomy but narrow house tucked away down an alley and gated, offering better defence than some of their other safe houses. The ground floor was mostly bare, with the living area on the first floor. It was dusty and some of the essentials they had stored there needed replacing, but there was no structural damage or damp and the furniture, though dusty, was more than usable.

Nicky only realised that there might still be a problem when he was lying beneath Joe on the unusually large futon-esque couch, anticipating a move on from what had been heavy petting and some light under-the-clothes groping, when Joe sat back from him, panting.

“I’m tired amore mio. Do you want to go to bed?”

Nicky nodded and Joe was unable to resist leaning forward to run the pad of his thumb against Nicky’s bottom lip, kiss swollen and red.

He was only half-expecting them to carry on where they had left off, but when Joe nestled up against his back and wrapped arms around him he still found himself a little surprised. He felt Joe’s body behind him gently relax and his breathing even out as he fell into sleep, but it took Nicky a little longer to join him. He couldn’t work out why he felt so unsettled, but before he fell asleep the first seed of uncertainty had been planted.

It was later that week when, again, Joe broke away in the middle of a make out session saying he wanted a shower and would Nicky mind getting dinner started? He didn’t mind, but it occurred to him that in the few days over the week they’d arrived they hadn’t been intimate once.

There had been a lot of kissing and some touching but nothing that had even advanced beyond feeling around under clothing. It wasn’t that Nicky wouldn’t have understood if Joe was going through a patch where he just wasn’t interested in sex – they’d both gone through something similar over the course of 900 odd years of relationship. Joe would usually have spoken to him about it before now if that was the issue though.

His mind kept going back to Joe’s dream, despite the fact that he hadn’t been lying when he’d told Joe it didn’t really mean anything. He knew that Joe would never find pleasure in hurting him – there was nothing he was more certain of than Joe’s love for him.

But there was still the possibility that the dream had reflected something Joe wanted. It couldn’t, wouldn’t, be to see Nicky defiled and injured so grievously; that just left seeing Nicky with someone else. Maybe some part of Joe just wanted to see Nicky with another man.

It wasn’t as though they’d never invited other people into their bed with them, but it hadn’t happened in the last couple of decades – not since the 60’s maybe? – and maybe Joe just wanted something different.

There was still the question of why Joe hadn’t just spoken to Nicky about it: maybe it had just been too long since the last time and Joe wasn’t sure how to ask; maybe Joe thought that Nicky would think Joe was trying to re-enact his dream.

Nicky didn’t have time for ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’ though, not when it came to Joe; Joe was his soulmate, his other half. It was easier to just talk to him and remove any uncertainty.

He waited until they’d had dinner and they were cleaning up, Nicky leaning up against the kitchen counter, drying while Joe washed.

“Hey, Joe?” he started casually, eyes flicking up from the plate he was drying to Joe and back again.

“Yes my heart?” Joe responded, circling a sponge wand over the face of a plate.

“What do you think about going out? Finding a club somewhere?” It wasn’t something they usually did, but it wasn’t unprecedented.

“Fancy a dance, habibi?” Joe asked, an eyebrow raised but a smile on his face that was wicked and entirely Joe. He let the dish in his hand slide back into the soapy water in favour of reaching out and taking hold of Nicky at the waist and then taking his hand, sweeping him around and dipping him briefly as though they were waltzing.

It made Nicky laugh fondly and lean up for a quick kiss. “I thought we could go out, maybe have a dance, get a drink… find someone we could get along with.”

Joe tilted his head, giving Nicky a puzzled look. “Someone we could get along with?”

Nicky shrugged, swaying back and forth absently in the hold Joe still had on him. “Thought you might want to see someone lay me out, tell them what to do, watch me be so good for you…” he murmured.

Joe wasn’t uninterested, but he was a little curious. “You’re always good for me.” He had to say, almost a throwaway comment. “Where is this coming from ya amar? We haven’t done that in a while.”

Nicky could hear something that was almost nervousness in Joe’s tone, unaware that his suggestion was touching the still raw nerve that was Joe’s dream. He stroked a hand down Joe’s arm soothingly to try and still that anxiety.

“I just thought that it might be something you wanted to see. I thought it could be something you wanted.”

Joe held Nicky by his upper arms so that he could take a good look at him. “Why would you think that?” he asked, an edge to his tone that hadn’t been there before, something that was nearly panic.

Nicky reached out to Joe and placed a hand against his chest. “We haven’t had sex since we’ve been here. I just remembered your dream – I know you don’t want to see me hurt, but I just thought maybe you just wanted something different. Maybe you’d like to see someone else with me.”

Joe recoiled back from Nicky, his stomach roiling. “I don’t… no, Nicky, I don’t want to see anyone else touching you, I don’t want anyone else’s hands on you but mine.”

Nicky didn’t reach out or move towards Joe, but it was clear he wanted to, uneasy with the distance. “I miss your hands on me.” He said softly.

Joe sighed.

“Yusuf. Why won’t you touch me?”

Joe rubbed hands through his hair in a sign of distress that made Nicky twitch to see. “I do. We were making out on the couch before dinner.”

Nicky was shaking his head. “You don’t want to touch me past my waist. We haven’t had sex; you know I don’t care if you don’t want to, but you seem to want to Yusuf. Right up until it comes to taking our clothes off.” He reached out but dropped his hand to the countertop before he could take hold of Joe’s hand like he wanted to. “Vita mia. What’s going on with you?”

Joe growled under his breath and paced in agitation before stopping before Nicky, his eyes on the slowly dissolving bubbles in the sink. “I want to, tesoro.” He said on a sigh, the edginess draining out of him and leaving only unhappiness behind it. “I’ll always want you. Just… every time I try to-” he shook his head, struggling. “I keep seeing another man touching you and I see you in pain and I just, I can’t.”

Nicky stepped closer, tentative, put his hand against Joe’s back and felt relief when he wasn’t shrugged off. He moved close and wrapped his arms around Joe’s waist from behind, resting the side of his head against Joe’s shoulder. “It’s okay if you need time, ameli, but please don’t shut me out.”

Joe sighed again and then turned to take Nicky into his arms, leaning back against the counter and bringing Nicky in close. Nicky hooked his chin over Joe’s shoulder and they stood in silence for a minute.

“I didn’t know how to tell you.” Joe said eventually. “It still bothers me that I liked watching you… that I liked watching you in my dream. And now, it just keeps coming back to me whenever I feel aroused looking at you.”

Nicky turned his head and nosed at Joe’s neck. “It will pass habibi. And I’m not going anywhere.” He looked up with a sly smile and nudged his nose against Joe’s. “You’re stuck with me.”

That made Joe huff a chuckle and cup the side of Nicky’s face to bring him in for a proper kiss.

“Ana bahibik.” He murmured, sombre.

“Ana kaman bahibik.” Nicky responded, easy as breathing.

(ooc: And I think that's it!)

Author here

...is this finished? Does this end too suddenly? I kind of wanted to leave the impression that there wouldn't be any easy answers but, idk!

Well I for one think it's perfect if that's where you want to end it. Things take time, and they have a lot more time than most. It's very lovely to see Nicky not taking it the wrong way, never doubting Joe, even if there was a small misunderstanding there. It's a balm to the soul to see them not fall into the frustrating miscommunication foibles that were possible.

Ugh it’s so heart breaking but I love it.
If you think it’s done dear author then it is done. I loved every moment of reading this fic even though it hurt so bad. You’re right, there is no easy and simple solution to this but we all know Nicky and Joe can get through anything.

I think that's a perfectly fine place to stop! I'm glad the misunderstanding didn't go too far. Thank you for sharing!

OP

I loved this whole thing and I have to say I think it really is a good place to finish it (not that I wouldn’t love more!!) Theres something oddly satisfying about grown ups being open with each other, discussing their needs and wants and feelings.

Here's the link to AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26128813

Thank you for all your comments guys, I'm sorry I didn't have time to answer you all individually.

Thank you OP for the prompt, it was challenging for me but I hope I did it justice; thank you for your continuous encouragement :)

Just thanks you guys, what a friendly and good spirited kink meme ♥

Hi! Just to let you know, there are some people on tumblr that have come across your fic and don't like the content of it, someone has a post up that has a screenshot with this fic and your Ao3 handle calling for it to be deleted. I just wanted to let you know, so you can take steps to avoid any hate or nasty comments. I know the subject materiel of this fic might not agree with everyone, but these people are saying some nasty stuff about it and you.

I loved your fic, btw!

Of course they have, because it's not like I warned that fic appropriately(!) Bless their little empty heads.

Thank you for letting me know :)

Hello author, so sorry you have to deal with negative comments on AO3 and Tumblr. We are happy to have you here, thank you for contributing to the meme with your fic.

Thank you so much for this, it's really sweet and very appreciated. I've had nothing but positive feedback and lovely comments from the people at this meme and I really feel welcome here.

While I'm here, thank you so much for creating this kink meme! :D

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Fills Post

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, part 2d

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, part 2d

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, part 2d

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, part 2d

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, part 2d

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, part 2d

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, part 2d

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, part 2d

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, part 2d

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, part 2e

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, part 2e

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, part 2e

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, part 2e

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, part 2e

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, part 2e

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, link to AO3

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, link to AO3

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, link to AO3

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, link to AO3

Re: FILL: Nicky/Joe, imaginary Nicky/Keane, noncon, link to AO3