theoldguardkinkmeme | Fills Post #2

Fills Post #2

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Joe hadn’t expected to suddenly miss that stomping, that loud music, those happy voices until they were actually gone. He certainly hadn’t expected a knock on his door two days later, and Nicky to arrive with a bottle of wine and a tupperware full of more risotto (It’s squash, are you vegetarian?).

“I just wanted to apologize again, I’m really sorry Joe,” Nicky said completely seriously as he handed Joe the gifts.

Joe hadn’t expected to invite Nicky in to join him in eating said squash risotto and drinking what turned out to be a very nice bottle of wine.

Joe watched Nicky surveil his apartment. The neatly organized drafting table, the easels with half finished portraits of Nile and, shit, Joe thought, the open door to his recording room. To an untrained eye, it looked weird, he knew it did. A dark room with foam covered walls, a binaural microphone with uncanny ear attachments, a relatively fancy camera pointing at the whole set up. He quickly closed the door, which he then realized made it look ten times more suspicious.

“It’s an art project,” Joe said vaguely. Nicky nodded slowly with a confused look on his face.

Joe tried to distract him with questions about his doctoral studies. Yes, he wanted to be a professor, and no, there were no jobs in academia. He learned of Nicky’s academic parents and the strange route he came by to settling into doctoral student-hood (culinary school, tech startup, he’d even considered seminary). Somehow, Joe also started sharing the round about way he came to being an “artist” (surprisingly supportive parents, travelling, a brief stint in radio commercials). Joe was surprised how comfortable he felt sharing all this with the man he’d considered Most Hateful less than 48 hours before.

And yet, here they were, eating, drinking, making merry. Nicky had even cheekily told him to be quiet after Joe burst out in a particularly loud laugh, “Careful, I hear some of the neighbors need quiet around here!” which made Joe laugh even harder.

And that’s how it started. After long days of quiet, Joe working diligently recording videos, Nicky would just … show up. Sometimes with a new culinary concoction, sometimes with a bottle of wine and some fresh figs from the market down the road, sometimes with a distressed furrow in his brow and a microwave manual in his hand. And each time, Joe felt that same flutter in his stomach.

“I think what you’re describing is friendship,” Nile said after Joe described his predicament to her on her couch.

Booker nodded knowingly from the armchair.

“But,” Joe said helplessly. “He was so horrible when he moved in. You remember how loud he was?”

Nile rolled her eyes at him. “He was moving in, Joe, and he thought he was living next to a ghost!” Nile was eager to forgive Nicky his sin of existing, even though she’d never met him. She simply appreciated a good ass when she saw one.

“It’s not his fault that you need complete silence so people can get their rocks off to you whispering,” Booker said.

Joe and Nile both shot him the same glare. Nile got it, Booker… Well, he tried.

“Oh god, what if he finds out,” Joe put his head in his hands.

Nile rubbed his back gently. “Who cares?”

“What if he cares?” Joe said. Unavoidably his mind turned to his previous boyfriend, who found the whole endeavour off-putting, so much so that he’d asked Joe to stop and Joe had asked him to leave. But why was Joe even thinking about former boyfriends? He wasn’t even sure if Nicky was gay. He’d never even mentioned a former partner.

“Well, if he somehow finds out and if he is weird about it then we can go back to hating him in peace,” Booker said supportively. “I miss those days.”

“Anyway, how’s he gonna find out?” Nile asked.

It turned out, pretty easily.

Nicky showed up, as usual, at Joe’s door with a bottle of Merlot and a tray of freshly baked biscotti. An experiment, he’d announced, and Joe was to be his willing lab rat. Joe poured the wine and they settled in on his couch, tasting the biscotti which turned out to be delicious.

An hour and a few glasses later, their conversation settled and Joe could sense nervousness radiating at him from the other man. He sat on the edge of the couch, he picked crumbs off his jeans.

“What?” Joe asked, steeling himself.

“I don't want to sound weird,” Nicky said hesitantly.

“You always sound weird,” Joe teased but his heart was thumping in his chest.

“Is the reason you need so much quiet because you make videos?” Nicky asked. Just vague enough to let Joe lie.

Joe swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. “Yeah.”

“ASMR videos?” Nicky asked, his voice totally neutral, though Joe could tell there was something hidden behind the question.

Joe nodded.

“I hope you don’t think this is weird,” Nicky started glancing at his hands, as if… guilty? Joe couldn’t place it. “But...I found some of your videos, at least I’m pretty sure they’re yours, and I watched them all.”

Nicky kept staring down at his hands, fidgeting, as if stopping himself from clasping them together in penance.

“You watched them all?” Joe said incredulously. Even he hadn’t watched all of his videos, they were usually hour-long affairs, he usually just edited any abrupt loud noises out and called it a day.

Nicky nodded. He looked up from his hands and gazed into Joe’s eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“Huh?” Joe hadn’t expected an apology.

“It feels wrong to watch so much of you without your permission, those videos are so personal and … intimate … and it just feels weird and creepy for me to be…” He swallowed. “Falling asleep to you every night while you sleep next door and have no idea.”

Joe stared at him. Nicky was falling asleep to him every night?

“And I know me telling you this is probably even more awkward for you, and I get if it ruins …” He gestured to the wine and the biscotti crumbs. “But I couldn’t go on pretending I wasn’t a total freak, I just --”

“Stop,” Joe said finally. He reached out and grabbed Nicky’s hands. Nicky inhaled sharply.

“I’m sorry,” Nicky whispered again, staring at Joe’s warm hands encompassing his freezing ones.

“You really don’t have to be,” Joe said slowly, dipping his head to capture Nicky’s gaze.

To his horror, Joe noticed a tear threatening to drop from Nicky’s long eyelashes. Joe frowned as his hand automatically lifted up as the tear fell down Nicky’s face. Joe thumbed it away as his palm rested on Nicky’s cheek.

Nicky startled at the touch. His whole body seemed to shudder. Joe froze. It was the first time he’d touched Nicky’s face. He hadn’t even asked.

As he was about to draw his hand away, he felt Nicky lean in ever so slightly, his shoulders dropped, the tension in his brows eased away. His whole being relaxed into the palm of Joe’s hand.

Joe didn’t want to move, he didn’t want an inch of that tension back. So they rested there for a moment, Joe sweeping his thumb lightly over Nicky’s cheekbone, Nicky’s breathing slowing.

“It’s okay,” Joe said, and he noticed he had unconsciously taken on the vocal quality he usually reserved for videos. “I really don't mind if you watch my videos.” He paused, unsure of how to convince Nicky that was true. “That’s what they’re there for, to help people relax.”

“You really don’t mind?” Nicky asked again.

Joe shook his head. They stared at each other for a moment more, Joe suddenly aware of the heat of Nicky’s cheek under his hand. He dropped it slowly.

“A lot of my friends watch them, actually,” Joe said, trying to ease Nicky’s mind. “In fact, I only experimented with the pencil crayons last week because my friend Nile suggested it.”

Nicky nodded, he enjoyed that one immensely.

“Now, if only they would agree to be in my videos…” Joe chuckled to himself. He’d been needling Nile and Booker to join him ever since he’d seen a video with some friends in it do extremely well. They insisted they were camera shy.

Nicky looked at him resolutely, as if making up his mind. “I could do it, I could be in your video.”

“Are you sure?” Joe asked slowly. It was a big ask, putting your face out in public in a little understood sub-genre. That sort of thing was not for the faint of heart.

Nicky nodded. “If it would mean a live performance, I would be honored.”

Joe poured them each another glass of wine and they started discussing contracts (Nicky would not hear of accepting any money, he would consider an hour and a half massage his payment, much to Joe’s protestation), limits (Nicky was okay with everything except touching his hair, to Joe’s surprise, he didn’t force him to elaborate), and, of course, outfits (something soft, comfortable and no brand labels).

When the wine and the conversation was done, Nicky left with a giant grin on his face and a hug. A hug! Joe thought dizzily, their first. It was encompassing, as if Nicky’s arms were made to fit around Joe’s body’s just so. Joe was ensconced in the scent he had come to associate with Nicky and he breathed in deeply.

Joe closed the door and slumped back into the couch. He stared up at the ceiling, hoping this wouldn’t be a huge mistake.

Sensual touching below :)!

Joe did one last check to make sure the microphone and the camera were recording. He also adjusted the lighting just a touch. The soft orange glow illuminated Nicky’s hair and brushed over his shoulders, again Joe’s finger twitched.

“Alright, you ready to do this?” Joe asked.

Nicky nodded and took a deep, shaky breath.

Joe nodded back and maneuvered around Nicky to get behind him. A quick glance to the monitor and he saw that they were both in frame, but Nicky’s face and shoulders were the focus. Perfect, he thought.

“Okay,” Joe whispered and placed his hands on Nicky’s shoulders. Nicky’s slight shivering stilled at his touch.

“Okay,” Joe whispered again, settling himself.

“Hi everyone, welcome to today’s video.” His whispers were soft, precise, each word enunciated with just enough force.

“Today we have a very special guest joining us, this is my friend Nicky.” He squeezed Nicky’s left shoulder and elicited a small, nervous grin. “So we’re doing something a little different.” Joe’s thumb started moving quite beyond his control, tracing the juncture between neck and shoulder.

“Today, we’re going to just hang out, relax, and Nicky’s very kindly helping me out by being my model,” Joe flicked his eyes to the monitor where Nicky was still grinning.

“My pleasure,” Nicky whispered.

Joe felt it reverberate around the room. Nicky’s whisper was gravelly, low, it seemed to rumble around him. Was his voice always like that? Joe realized he’d never heard him whisper before.

“So first, I’m going to focus on the neck and shoulders,” Joe said as he brushed his fingers, featherlight, across Nicky’s broad shoulders. Joe’s brain short-circuited for a moment just on a loop of shoulders shoulders shoulders. This close, he couldn’t believe their sheer size, they seemed to go on forever. Not that Nicky was particularly built, or anything, (Joe couldn’t picture him in a gym) but the shape of him.

Thankfully, while his mind caught up, Joe’s fingers continued to move, tracing up and down Nicky’s shoulders, occasionally drifting forward to where Nicky’s collarbones were framed by the loose scoop of his old t-shirt.

Joe glanced at the monitor again. Nicky’s grin had softened, his eyes half-lidded.

“Nicky holds a lot of tension in his shoulders,” Joe whispered slowly. “He spends most of his day hunched over books.”

Where Joe knew Nicky would usually argue (I don’t hunch!), he simply exhaled with a little huff. Joe couldn’t believe how quickly Nicky had shifted into this relaxed version of himself, all his kinetic nervous energy was sapped out of him as soon as Joe started touching him.

Joe kept one hand lightly tapping around Nicky’s right shoulder, with the other he started to caress Nicky’s neck with fluttering touches.

Nicky inhaled deeply, his eyes closing, his eyebrows drawing together.

“Good?” Joe asked with a smile that Nicky couldn't see.

“Si,” Nicky breathed out, his own soft smile returning.

Joe’s other hand joined him at Nicky’s neck, fingers working up and down, tracing the long column. He swirled a finger around Nicky’s adam's apple which bobbed up and down in a thick swallow. Joe found himself focussed on the way Nicky’s pulse seemed to throb in his jugular, too fast at first. Nicky was supposed to be relaxing. Maybe he needed the whispering?

Joe started rambling in a low soft whisper, about necks, shoulders, relaxation. He wasn’t even entirely too sure what was coming out of his mouth but that happened in a lot of his videos. He just started and the words flowed, supplied by some endless well.

As he spoke, Joe’s fingers danced over the long vein in Nicky’s neck, the hectic thump had slowed to a steady beat. Strong but steady.

After fifteen minutes (or hours, Joe couldn’t tell), of exploring Nicky’s neck and shoulders Joe adjusted himself slightly to the right so he could look at Nicky’s profile as his thumbs moved upwards to make small circles on the sweet spot where jaw met neck.

He shifted Nicky’s head to the side so he could cradle it in both hands. Nicky’s eyes opened slowly and he gazed at Joe as though drunk, a goofy smile overtaking his face.

“How are you doing?” Joe asked.

Nicky just nodded, words seemed to elude him.

Joe smiled back and brought his fingers up to smooth across Nicky’s eyebrows, over and over again petting the soft hair there.

Joe’s fingers then circled around and found a rhythm, back and forth, in the deep, dark recesses under Nicky’s eyes.

“You need to get more sleep,” Joe said fondly, though he found the way the dark circles offset Nicky’s glittering eyes a thing of beauty. Nicky huffed a small laugh.

“Mi distraggo dalla tua bella voce,” Nicky whispered, staring up at Joe as though he had hung the moon.

Joe smiled and wondered if Nicky was even aware he had spoken in Italian.

He moved on to Nicky’s nose, that glorious nose, stroking it up and down for what felt like hours. Nicky endearingly scrunched it up as Joe moved on to his cheeks and chin tapping and moving in light circles. He paid special attention to his beauty mark.

Nicky’s face was surprisingly soft and dry and Joe could tell the sounds of his gentle ministrations mixed with Nicky’s contented sighs and his own occasional whispers would make for a good video.

Joe rested a thumb at the corner of Nicky’s mouth and to his surprise it fell open and a rush of air escaped. The soft wet noise of Nicky’s mouth opening so easily, so willingly, felt deafening.

Joe traced his finger along Nicky’s lower lip. It dragged slightly and Nicky’s tongue darted out to smooth the way for him. Joe paused.

He took a deep breath and continued.

His thumb glided across the now slick pink skin. He wondered what Nicky would do if his thumb moved forward, over that white ridge of teeth into the wet velvet heat within.

Nicky’s eyes fluttered open, they seemed to struggle to focus on Joe. His face was completely slack and Joe was sure that if he had, if his fingers did find their way into Nicky’s mouth, he wouldn’t object.

Joe cleared his throat as softly as he could and continued tracing the outline of Nicky’s lips, spending a few extra minutes just tapping along his lovely cupid’s bow. Nicky’s eyes closed again.

Eventually, Joe maneuvered back around to stand once again behind Nicky. His hands returned to his collarbones, tracing them with more featherlight touches.

Nicky’s head fell back with a gentle thunk, landing on the soft stretch of stomach between Joe’s ribs. It was as if he was so relaxed, his neck no longer functioned to hold the weight of his head.

Joe moved to his ears, tracing the ridges and rubbing over the soft lobes. He felt Nicky’s head, heavy against his abdomen, sway back and forth as Joe switched between right and left ear, again and again.

Joe looked down and was again struck by how pliant Nicky was. He gazed up at him, his eyes heavy, looking intoxicated, sated, hypnotized. Had Joe really done all that?

He cupped the back of Nicky’s skull in his palm and leaned into his ear, whispering, “How are we doing Nicky?” His breath was warm and close as it ghosted over the shell of Nicky’s ear. Joe watched as the hair on Nicky’s arms stood on end as a shiver seemed to roll over his whole body like a wave.

“Perfetto,” Nicky sighed, leaning into Joe’s palm, exposing the long line of his neck, as if inviting Joe to take a bite.

“Excellent,” Joe said, gently shifting Nicky’s head to his other hand, leaning above his other ear.

“Well, thank you for joining Nicky and me tonight. If you liked the video, please like and subscribe and consider supporting the Patreon so I can treat Nicky to an eye mask. As always,” Joe paused, his usual outro seemed strange to say with such a touch-drunk, gorgeous man in his hands. “I love you and you deserve peace and rest. Take care, sweet dreams.”

Nicky returned to his apartment and fell into his bed without even brushing his teeth. His head was blessedly empty, his whole body felt like it was buzzing.

Relaxed, safe, his mind supplied, when was the last time you felt that? He wondered as he drifted easily into sleep, only awoken for a moment at the sound of a door slamming somewhere in the distance.

Joe, on the other hand, moved frantically around his apartment, so keyed up he felt like had to go on a jog or something equally drastic. He then decided to be productive, popped in his wireless headphones, and spent an hour making sure the footage was properly recorded then had to stop when he reached the moment where Nicky’s tongue wet his lips. Joe stared at the video in front of him.

“Fuck,” he whispered to no one in particular.

His body seemed to agree and he felt himself growing achingly hard. His jeans, which usually fit him perfectly, now felt uncomfortably tight. His conscience swooped in. Isn’t it weird to jerk off to the thought of your neighbor? Your friend? The man you just spent an hour and a half caressing for the internet? On the other hand, Isn’t it weirder to let your lust for him fester instead of just dealing with it and moving on with your life?

His body agreed, he felt his cock twitch impatiently. He rushed to his bedroom, slamming the door and turning off the lights. He sprawled across the bed and tugged his jeans down. One hand flung to his dresser for some lube, the other releasing himself from his underwear.

His thoughts were consumed by Nicky’s mouth, his nose, the shape of his neck.

He didn’t even realize until he was fucking up into his fist that he still had his headphones in. He wasn’t just imagining Nicky’s soft sighs, he was hearing them as the video continued playing in the other room.

“Fuuuck,” Joe groaned loudly, a tight heat coiling in his belly.

His pace quickened with his heart beat. He suddenly found himself gasping for air as the wet sounds of his hand on his cock mixed with the soft breathiness of Nicky’s sighs and the delicate sound of Joe’s fingers moving across his lips.

Joe felt himself getting closer and closer, his cock now slick with lube and his own precome. He felt the pressure building as he worked himself faster and faster in his tight wet fist. He screwed his eyes shut, focussing on the pleasure building with each tug. He knew it wouldn’t be long.

Suddenly, in his ear he heard someone whisper, “You like that don’t you?” A soft sigh answered.

A noise strangled in his throat as he came. His head flung back, and his feet dug into the mattress as thick ropes of come shot over his fist and onto his shirt. His brain shorted out, his head empty as he stared at the ceiling, his chest heaving and the sounds of Nicky breathing heavy in his ear.

He didn’t remember saying that.

He looked down at the mess of himself, still breathing heavily. He threw an arm over his face and exhaled into his elbow.

“Andy, you need to see this,” Quynh said to her partner as she was scrolling through the comments on the youtube video. They’d watched it the night before when Nicky had sent it to them in a text that read: “Joe’s new video, featuring me! I’m only sending it to you so you don’t find it on your own.”

They, of course, watched it immediately. Andy commented on how peaceful Nicky looked, Quynh replying it must be how he looked when he was thoroughly fucked-out (which earned her a playful nudge from Andy).

Though it might be hard to explain to the rest of the faculty, Andy was just happy to see Nicky look so relaxed and to see this Joe (hot neighbour with the smile, as Nicky called him) treating Nicky so gently, so well. He looked at Nicky like he was something precious. On that they agreed.

Quynh couldn’t stop watching it.

Andy, who had been busy on her side of the bed with her own computer, rolled over to tuck her head on Quynh’s breast and stare at her screen. “What?”

“Look at the comments on Nicky’s video,” Quynh scrolled to the top so Andy could get a good view.

Am I … interrupting something?

HAROLD!

I was today years old when I realized I am gay

How do I explain to my husband why I’m watching this??

Omg, this is so relaxing, please get Nicky back!

Do you want me to lock the door for you guys??

Get you a man who looks at you like this 4:38

I am VERY comfortable with the energy we have created in the studio today

Me: opens this vid to fall asleep too. Also me: watches the whole thing and proceeds to take a cold shower...

Ummm …. Am I old enough to be watching this?

Andy’s eyes widened as she moved Quynh’s hand out of the way so she could scroll faster. There were thousands of comments, all positive with varying levels of horniness.

“Oh my god,” She said, barely restraining a giggle.

“He really does have a nice smile,” Quynh said, agreeing with the comments that said as much.

More later sensual touching later! Thanks for reading so far!

*screams*

Count me as one of the both relaxed but horny commenters 😂 I love getting Quynh and Andy’s POV too~

Also looooove how this skates the line of intimate, sensual, and erotic.

👀👀👀👀👀

I don't know how you did it, but I got an ASMR response from Nicky's ASMR response 👌

OP here and OH MY GOD
I am looking respectfully. This is everything I wanted and more, holy shit, I can't even– this is– f u c k. I LOVE it.

i don't even go here and i love this!!!

This is beautiful and I now have no words. <3

Oh wow. This is...... hnggggggg

I'm guessing Nicky did more than just sleep to Joe's videos wink, wink

And any particular reason why Joe shouldn't touch Nicky's hair?

I love everything about this story and I am not even a fan of those videos 🤣

woaah this is so good!

Wow, thank you everyone for the lovely comments! This is the first thing I've written in a long time and the validation is so appreciated. So glad you're enjoying -- all credit to the OP's excellent prompt which keeps on giving.

Of course, the video quickly became Joe’s most successful upload. The combination of his whispering and Nicky’s blissed-out reactions seemed to strike a chord with his loyal following. He could understand it. As Joe watched the video back, again and again, he saw the intimacy there, the trust, the care that was the secret ingredient in his own favourite videos.

Two days after it was posted, after the numbers started growing exponentially, Nicky showed up again at Joe’s doorstep, this time with a bottle of scotch (a red ribbon tied around its neck) and a bag of clementines.

As per usual, Joe insisted Nicky come in, share the gift. They settled on the couch in their usual positions and toasted to each other, to the video. Joe peeled the fruit and handed Nicky the segments one by one as Nicky told him how he was getting non-stop messages from acquaintances, telling them just how jealous they were of his new job.

“I really should be paying you,” Joe said as he chewed, sunshine bursting in his mouth.

Nicky shook his head. “I should be paying you.” He paused about to say something but thought better of it.

“What?”

Nicky shot him a nervous glance before pulling out his phone, tapping around for a moment until he seemed to find what he was looking for. He handed it over to Joe and took a deep gulp of his scotch.

Joe looked at the screen -- a list entitled “Ideas for Videos.” As he read, a smile grew on his face. Nicky had compiled a rather creative list of all the things Joe could do to him. It made Joe dizzy.

“I don’t want to step on your toes Joe, I know what we did wasn’t your usual video. But I thought since it did so well you might want to do another, and, well, I wanted to be prepared.”

Joe finally looked up at him, unable to suppress a huge grin.

And so, as summer turned to autumn, as the trees around them started flushing and the ground turned to carpets of amber and gold, Nicky and Joe began to meet, every other week, to discover new ways of finding comfort. Nicky insisted they shoot in the evening (he was absolutely useless after making a video, brain turned to static, bones to rubber).

Joe noticed little changes more than big ones. Nicky showed up in big sweaters instead of his usual faded t-shirts. His hair (which Joe had still not run his fingers through, despite the overwhelming urge) grew longer. The food he brought included more root vegetables and warm spices.

But also he noticed a shift in their routine. Now Nicky would pop by in the middle of the day (Can I work in here? I’m exhausted of my apartment). Joe was glad for the company as they worked in companionable silence. Joe edited while Nicky read, eventually one would make coffee for them both.

The new arrangement even led to one of their most popular new videos -- Nicky reading old Italian literature in his sonorous, rumbling whisper as Joe tried to distract him with soft touches (it ended, as per usual, with the book completely forgotten on Nicky’s lap and Nicky reduced to putty in Joe’s admiring hands). Nile said it was one of her favourites, while Booker said he had stopped watching to give them some privacy (to which both Joe and Nile rolled their eyes).

But what Joe noticed most was the subtle shift in the air between them. The more they filmed, the more they spent time together, the more loose they became around each other. Joe’s hand would casually brush over Nicky’s as he handed him a steaming mug of coffee. Nicky would stick his always-freezing feet under Joe’s thighs as they sat across from each other on the couch, each absorbed in their own work. Joe’s hand would steer Nicky on his lower back as he maneuvered around him in the kitchen as Nicky made them lunch. The intimacy they performed for the camera seemed to seep easily into their daily lives, like ink into water.

The touches grounded Joe, he realized one evening where he was feeling particularly agitated for no specific reason. Nicky hadn’t shown up all day. They had never formally decided on this daily schedule, but Joe felt a strange pit in his stomach at not having the other man around.

After trying and failing to distract himself with work and some mindless reality TV, Joe grabbed his laptop, threw on a pair of slippers and headed next door.

“Joe!” cried the gorgeous woman, pointedly not Nicky, who opened the door. She had long black hair and a wicked smile. Quynh, he thought, he remembered Nicky telling him about some of his friends.

“Hi, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Joe stammered. Now the door was open, he heard voices coming from inside, some soft music tinkling out of a speaker, the sound of something simmering on the stove.

“Not at all, come on in, we were just talking about you!” Quynh beckoned him inside.

They headed to the kitchen where Nicky and a woman who must be Andy were engaged in a lively conversation while Nicky chopped vegetables.

“Look who’s joining us!” Quynh announced as she presented Joe like a winning prize in a flurry of arms.

“Joe!” Nicky exclaimed, more surprise than joy on his face.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you had guests, I just wanted to ask you something about tomorrow’s video,” Joe gestured to the laptop that now felt awkward and bulky in his hands.

“Well, you have to stay for dinner,” Andy said, leaning against the counter. She cast an unreadable look to Quynh who grabbed Joe’s elbow.

“Yes, I want to hear all about Nicky as a model, I am absolutely obsessed with your videos.”

She led Joe to the couch and poured him a glass of prosecco. Nicky caught his eye and mouthed, Sorry, as Andy kept him busy in the kitchen.

As the sky darkened outside, earlier and earlier these days, they sat down at Nicky’s now-existent kitchen table. The table was laden with Nicky’s best autumnal recipes, pumpkin, squash, everything including a bright complementary sauce or a dusting of pomegranate seeds.

Andy and Nicky talked departmental politics, with Quynh interjecting every so often to explain to Joe the who’s who of comp lit. Joe didn’t really follow but he was enjoying seeing Nicky in this new situation. He especially enjoyed how every now and then, Nicky would smile at him as if they shared a secret, as if it was Joe that was causing the warm glow around the table.

Indeed, it was some tall beeswax candles that cast the gentle glow around them. Joe couldn’t help but gaze fondly as the warm light flickered across the planes of Nicky’s face. One day he would paint him, one day.

“So, what’s next?” Andy asked Joe directly, shaking him out of his reverie.

“Yeah, I’ve got so many video ideas for you,” Quynh said. “I’ve been researching your competition and I think you need to invest in another camera.” She began to list them off excitedly and Nicky laughed at the particularly outlandish ones.

Andy rolled her eyes and got up with her plate. Joe followed her lead, as did Nicky but with a light push to his shoulder he sat back down. “Cooks don’t clean.”

Quynh stayed at the table to continue to brainstorm and Joe followed Andy into the kitchen.

“I’ll wash, you dry,” Andy announced. Joe nodded. He was oddly intimidated by her, but he could sense there was something of a leader in this woman. He found himself thinking he would have followed her into battle.

For now he just dried the dishes with her by his side as they listened to Quynh in the other room get more and more excited by her own ideas.

“Nicky really seems to be enjoying spending time with you,” Andy said quietly as she handed him a dripping plate.

“He’s…” Joe considered his words, “a great neighbor.”

Andy scoffed with a warm smile.

“I never would’ve thought I’d see our shy dear Nicky becoming a viral video star.” Andy handed him another plate.

“I also did not expect those videos to do so well,” Joe said, and truly he hadn’t.

“Well, there’s a lot of care there,” Andy said and looked at him pointedly. Joe felt like she could see right through him. He suddenly, desperately, wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere else.

“Look,” Andy continued as she hefted an enamelled pot into the sink. “I don’t know what’s going on between you but just be careful, okay? Nicky’s not…” She paused, searching for the right words. “Nicky will let himself get hurt and I really don’t want to see that happen. Not again.”

Joe nodded slowly but his mind was reeling. Nicky had been hurt, Joe thought, and it felt undeniably true. Joe sometimes felt an aching tenderness beneath his good nature. But Andy thought there was something going on between them too. Was there? Joe wondered as they continued to work in silence.

When they were almost done, Quynh and Nicky called them back to the table to show them a video Quynh was playing on her phone.

“We have to try it Joe,” Nicky said, beaming up at him. Joe shrugged and smiled back but then caught another implacable glance from Andy.

He leaned into Nicky’s touch on his shoulder as Nicky showed him the video. But he was watching Nicky’s face which glowed with contentment. Joe once again found himself distracted by those ocean eyes. He found himself wondering, what pain lingered there?

More ASMR goodness below...

Joe was taken aback at how quickly Nicky seemed to take off his shirt. One big motion, all arms and elbows, and it was off. The vast expanse of chest and shoulders and stomach stunned Joe into silence.

“Everything look okay?” Nicky asked. Joe knew he was talking about the framing of the shot but still...

“Yeah just a second,” Joe swallowed, willing himself to focus on the camera again.

He adjusted accordingly and made sure both cameras were rolling. One was set up to capture Nicky’s torso from behind, the other pointed from the opposite angle, to capture all the minute expressions of relaxation on Nicky’s face. Nicky sat on a stool purloined from the kitchen so the audience could get an unencumbered view of his broad back.

Joe slotted himself between Nicky and the camera that was pointed at his face. He hadn’t really thought this through - he would be face to face with Nicky the whole video, he realized. Usually he stood behind him.

“Okay?” Joe asked, more to stall than anything. Nicky nodded, rolling back his shoulders and adjusting his posture slightly.

“Okay,” Joe took a deep breath and put his warm hands on Nicky’s shoulder, steadying himself. He looked past him at the camera pointed at his back.

“Welcome back everyone,” He whispered. “Nicky’s here with me again and we wanted to shout out Quynh for giving us today’s video idea.” He started petting Nicky’s shoulders lightly, his fingers lingered at Nicky’s neck.

“Today, I’m going to be doing a little tracing on Nicky’s back,” Joe said. He removed his hands from Nicky’s shoulders and wrapped his arms around his middle, tracing one long line up Nicky’s spine. Nicky shivered intensely.

“Good?”

Nicky nodded, his eyes closing as Joe traced the line back down.

“There may even be a secret message,” Joe whispered. He and Nicky had agreed that Joe would trace “Sweet dreams” over and over on his back, try for some positive subliminal messaging.

Joe’s fingertips ghosted along Nicky’s lower back in small circles and Nicky let out a soft sigh. His posture changed again, the tension he was holding there easing out. Joe smiled and started whispering about tension and backs and the usual sweet nonsense he always came up with when Nicky was in his hands.

He moved up Nicky’s back. His fingers spread out, splaying across the back of Nicky’s ribcage. He felt it expand and contract as Nicky took a deep breath. Joe ran his finger across the outline of each bone, tracing each one carefully from the middle of his back across his side to the front where they framed his stomach. Joe whispered about how strong they needed to be, to protect such a big heart.

Nicky smiled again, but this one seamed heavier somehow, the corners of his lips seemed to strain with the effort. A crease formed between his eyes.

Joe abandoned Nicky’s back and brought his hands up to his face. He traced across Nicky’s brow and around Nicky’s lips until any tension that lingered there melted away.

As he returned to drawing invisible lines up and down Nicky’s spine, Joe wondered if this angle was better or worse for him personally. He was happy to be on this side of Nicky, so close he could feel each warm exhale of breath as Nicky leaned into his touch. But he was so close that he found himself getting lost in each twitch, each tingle. It was driving Joe to distraction.

As Joe’s movements slowed, Nicky opened his eyes, sensing something in the air had changed. He regarded Joe’s slight frown of concentration.

Nicky lifted his hands and placed them lightly on Joe’s hips. It was Joe’s turn to release a shuddering breath. Nicky pulled him ever so slightly closer and, with his hands still searing into Joe’s body through his shirt, Nicky used his elbows to nudge Joe back into motion. Joe smiled down at him.

Joe went back to tracing small circles between Nicky’s shoulder blades and Nicky settled back, his eyes closing. Though he didn’t remove his hands from Joe, they slackened, resting in the divots of Joe’s hips as if they were made to rest there, as if they had been carved out of the same piece of marble.

“Okay,” Joe whispered. “Get ready for the secret message.” And he started to trace sweet dreams across Nicky’s shoulders. Over and over again. He watched as wave after wave of shivers rolled through Nicky’s body.

Nicky rolled his shoulders as his skin became covered in goosebumps, his whole back a constellation. Joe chased after them, tracing patterns across the now over-sensitive skin. He felt drunk on the sensation as each circle and each scrape across a new plane of skin created more and more waves.

Nicky’s breath hitched in his throat and Joe snapped back to reality.

“Getting the message?” Joe asked with a smile, slowing slightly.

Nicky’s hands clenched minutely at Joe’s hips and Joe moved in even closer. He was bracketed by Nicky’s thighs, his clothed chest almost brushing against Nicky’s skin.

“Loud and clear,” Nicky replied in a shaking whisper.

They continued for a while, Joe oscillating between sweet dreams, take care, and I love you. Nicky’s smile turned softer and softer, as he was lulled into his most relaxed state.

Eventually Joe looked at the clock, had it really been an hour since they started? The more videos they made, the more relaxing Joe found it. Once they’d settled on a rhythm, Joe found he could very easily lose time caressing Nicky, admiring him with his fingertips until Nicky was totally at ease.

But the camera only had so much battery.

He figured Nicky would want to add his usual “Sogni d’oro” to the end of the video, so Joe determined to bring him carefully back down to earth from whatever blissful state he’d achieved.

With the nail of his index finger, Joe slowly swept one long line up along Nicky’s spine, from his lower back up between his ribs and shoulders all the way to the base of his skull. Nicky gasped, arching his whole torso into Joe.

Joe froze. His brain worked overtime to accommodate the abundance of new sensation. Nicky’s trembling breath, his hands now tightly gripping Joe’s sides, his chest heaving against Joe’s, two hard nipples felt like they were spearing him through.

“Sorry,” Nicky whispered with a bashful smile as he leaned back, releasing Joe and clasping his hands in front of himself.

“It’s fine,” Joe reassured him. He didn’t say that he found Nicky’s sensitivity both endearing and searingly beautiful. He didn’t say that he wanted to make Nicky make that sound again and again. Instead, he steadied himself and gingerly put his hands back on the top of Nicky’s shoulders, making soothing circles there.

Nicky, as always, relaxed at Joe’s touch. His hands loosened to lay in his lap and his breathing evened out as Joe’s thumbs began to soothe up and down Nicky’s neck.

Joe matched his breathing and the air in the room seemed to soften. Nicky’s eyes closed again as Joe’s fingers found his cheekbone, his chin, the bridge of his nose. Joe gazed down at his open face.

His heart clenched as he remembered Andy’s words. He will let himself get hurt...

Suddenly, Nicky’s hands were on his hips again, pulling Joe closer. Joe smiled and looked down at the hair’s breadth between them. If Nicky were to breathe deeply the peaks of those rosy nipples, dusted loosely around with soft hair, would brush against Joe again. The idea made him dizzy.

Nicky’s tongue swept across his plush lower lip. “Thank you Joe,” he sighed, his eyes still closed.

Joe’s throat felt tight with affection. He didn’t know what to say. In this position, between Nicky’s thighs, so much bare skin at his fingertips, his hands cradling Nicky’s head, Joe could almost imagine leaning down and catching that lip between his teeth, licking into that soft, pliant mouth.

Joe’s mind was stuck on this image as his hands moved freely across Nicky’s face. By now, they simply moved of their own accord, exploring Nicky like he was precious, touching him like he was a lover, resting there like he was home.

His fingers smoothed across Nicky’s forehead, where a soft lock of hair had fallen. Joe brushed it away tenderly, carding through Nicky’s hair, fingers gently scraping across Nicky’s scalp.

Nicky yelped, or moaned, the noise was so loud Joe couldn’t tell. His eyes flew open as he forcefully pushed Joe away. Joe stumbled back. The audio equipment shorted out at the sudden outburst, flashing red throughout the small room.

Nicky clasped both hands to his mouth and stared at Joe, his chest heaving, panic in his eyes.

Joe held his breath. Red light blinked silently around them.

Nicky glanced nervously around the room. He looked trapped, vulnerable, Joe desperately wanted to cover him up, turn on the lights, hold him close, but he didn’t dare move.

“Nicky?” He said slowly in a low voice, whispers gone.

Nicky choked out something along the lines of “‘m so sorry,” and he darted towards the door, brushing past Joe and practically sprinting out of the apartment.

Joe was left standing there, dumbstruck, until he heard Nicky’s front door slam.

Joe picked up the sweater he’d left behind and hugged it to his chest. What the fuck have I done?

Ah! A little angst with our ASMR? As a treat? Don't worry, I promise a happy ending! Thanks so much for your comments and more soon!

YES YES YES YES YES

I LOVE IT I LOVE IT SO MUCH. WE LOVE TO SEE THE ANGST.

This is so good...!!! Thank you for writing this prompt!

Joe peeled the fruit and handed Nicky the segments one by one
yes good

Omgggg of course Nicky would have a list ready to go for Joe!

The intimacy they performed for the camera seemed to seep easily into their daily lives, like ink into water.
I am 10000% here for the quality intimacy content.

Quynh announced as she presented Joe like a winning prize in a flurry of arms.
bahahaha I am sure this is because she and Andy ready to rib the hell out of him. I love that Quỳnh is plotting how Joe and Nicky can dominate the ASMR charts too. XD

“He’s…” Joe considered his words, “a great neighbor.”
I think you meant “husband material” Joe. XD

They continued for a while, Joe oscillating between sweet dreams, take care, and I love you.
OMG

By now, they simply moved of their own accord, exploring Nicky like he was precious, touching him like he was a lover, resting there like he was home.
*fangirl scream*

Ok so I was curious why Nicky’s hair was a no-go, but ahhhhhhh!!!!

Anyways so excited for an update! I’ve already re-read the previous parts a couple of times. This is amazing (not even an ASMR person), and I love this.

Also wow! Welcome back to writing! If you continue writing, would totally love to read it! And if you post this to ao3, I’d love to bookmark this there too.

There's more!! 👀👀👀 Yes to the angst! Excited for the comfort and more soft moments

Oh no!! Poor Nicky. I am so incredibly invested in this.

Again, these comments have been so extraordinarily lovely and detailed and encouraging, thank you so much! It means a lot. Three more angsty parts this evening for you!

A day, two days, a week, two weeks, a month passed and Joe hadn’t heard anything from Nicky. His apartment was conspicuously quiet. Joe thought even his door was closing more quietly than usual. Joe texted him but immediately regretted it. How can he apologize by text? Is he a teenager?

He tried to keep calm and ignore the constant gnawing in his chest. Nicky could take all the time he needed, he thought to himself even as part of him panicked at the thought of never seeing him again.

So Joe tried to distract himself with work. More videos, more freelance illustration. But it seemed hollow somehow, his heart wasn’t in it.

His followers noticed immediately, leaving encouraging comments: If you need some time off, take it! We love you! and Does he seem extra tired? and I miss Nicky!

Same, he thought as he published another video of himself quietly tapping and toying with blue paints and inks and pencil crayons.

Eventually, he worked up the nerve to message Quynh on her social media. Andy, of course, didn’t have any online presence to speak of but Quynh’s was public and full of aesthetically pleasing pictures of her, of her and Andy, of what must be their elegant black cat. He messaged her, asking if Nicky was okay.

She responded with a shrugging emoji and a heart.

At least he’s alive, Joe thought bitterly.

But it didn’t help him sleep better at night. It didn’t stop him from watching the videos he’d made with Nicky over and over again. It didn’t stop his heart from aching at every small sound from next door, every time the water turned on, every time a chair scraped against the floor. It didn’t stop him from curling up at night, his face stuffed into Nicky’s sweater, inhaling that woody, herbal scent and feeling the push and pull of comfort and longing in his chest.

“Give him some time,” Nile said patiently, as she paid for their coffees. Joe had been getting out of the apartment more, insisting Nile meet him at local coffee shops. It just felt wrong to be there, to be working, without Nicky by his side.

“How much time?” Joe asked. He took the coffee gratefully and held it with both his hands. It was getting well and truly cold out.

Nile looked thoughtfully at him.

“You’ve really fallen for him haven’t you?” She asked quietly.

Joe felt himself get hot. He had, of course he had, but he didn’t like how obvious it was to Nile. Especially when Nicky wouldn’t even acknowledge his presence, let alone allow him to apologize.

“I really fucked up Nile,” Joe said, taking a sip of his coffee and staring out into the street where the leaves were falling.

“Yeah,” Nile agreed. “Give him time.”

Booker, on the other hand, was Team Grand Gesture. Even if it was a quixotic bandaid on a chasm, Joe liked the idea of doing something, anything, anything other than waiting for Nicky to text him back or hovering outside his door as he came back with groceries, hoping to run into Nicky coming or going.

No, Booker was right, showing up at his door with a meal in his hands and a mea culpa on his lips was just stupid enough to work.

“You sure you don’t want me to come over and help?” Booker asked over the speakerphone as Joe finished scribbling down the instructions for the overly complicated French dish.

“I’m sure,” Joe nodded, excited at the prospect of action, despite being terrified by the precise times and exact measurements.

“Alright, well call me if you need help and don’t burn the onions!”

“What do I look like, a guy who burns onions?” Joe asked with a grin.

That was, in fact, exactly what he looked like.

Three hours, five onions, four pots, three scorched tea towels, two nervous breakdowns, and one sliced open palm later, Joe found himself in a smoky kitchen, holding his bloody hand as the fire alarm wailed angrily at him.

“Oh come on,” he groaned as the noise seemed to get progressively louder and more shrill.

The alarm blared as he grabbed one of the singed tea towels with his uninjured hand and tried waving the smoke away.

The alarm only seemed to get faster and louder, encouraged by his feeble attempts to stop it.

Joe felt on the edge of tears, the urge to sink down onto the floor and stay there forever threatened to overwhelm him.

Then, the door to his apartment burst open and there, of course, was Nicky.

They froze there a moment, staring at each other. Nicky took the scene in, the alarm, the smoke, the bloody hand. In a flash he was in the kitchen. He turned off the burner, tossed the pan in the sink, and grabbed the step ladder from where it always hid in the cupboard. He climbed to the top and stretched his long arm up to the ceiling to disable the alarm.

The sudden silence was deafening. Joe felt like crying again.

Nicky didn’t seem deterred, though. He went to the balcony door and slid it open all the way, letting in a fresh burst of air. The soft patter of rain replaced the silence and Joe exhaled.

Nicky crossed back to him. “Can I see?”

Joe held out his hand limply and Nicky examined it with his cold, assured fingers.

“You don’t need stitches,” Nicky said authoritatively. “Come on.” He circled his fingers around Joe’s wrist and gently led him through the apartment to the bathroom.

After rinsing Joe’s hand under the cold water, Nicky shut the toilet lid with a dull thunk, pointed and said, “Sit.”

Joe did as he was told, eager to follow a direction that didn’t include the words slice, sautee, or julienne. He watched in a daze as Nicky rummaged through his bathroom cabinet for the first aid kit that Nile had bought him years ago when he first moved in.

Nicky opened it up on the counter and fished out some antiseptic, cotton wool, ointment and gauze. Joe watched as Nicky set up a small work station on the counter, washed his hands, and then knelt down.

Once on his knees, he reached for Joe’s hand again, which Joe was cradling against his chest.

Joe’s haze lifted. Nicky was here, in his apartment. After a month. He’d just shown up like magic, like a miracle.

“Nicky…” Joe started, his voice thick.

“This might sting a bit.” Nicky refused to meet his eyes.

Indeed, Joe hissed as Nicky ran the antiseptic along the cut.

“Sorry,” Nicky said as he threw the cotton wool into the garbage and grabbed the ointment.

He continued to work in silence, head down as he carefully swiped ointment along Joe’s palm, his touch so gentle Joe almost didn’t feel it.

Joe wanted to scream. Here was Nicky, treating him so carefully, so tenderly after Joe had clearly crossed a line. All Joe wanted to do was apologize and make it up to him but Nicky had been a ghost. And now here he was, taking care of Joe? Joe should be the one on his knees, begging forgiveness, offering a thousand open palms.

He wanted Nicky to be mad at him, he wanted Nicky to forgive him, Joe just wanted Nicky to look at him.

Nicky grabbed the gauze and started wrapping, taking his time, slowing as the wound was fully covered. He held Joe’s hand in his as he leaned back on his heels and finally, finally looked up at him.

Joe’s words evaded him. Was it possible that Nicky’s eyes had gotten even more startling in the past month?

“Joe,” Nicky started. Joe could tell he was trying so hard to stay calm, keep his voice steady. “I’m so so sorry.”

Joe frowned. “What?”

“I’m sorry, Joe, I-”

But Joe didn’t let him finish. “No, I’m sorry. Why are you sorry? I’m the one who’s going to apologize.”

They paused for a moment. And then, in perfect unison, dissolved into soft laughter at the ridiculousness of the whole scene. Nicky shook his head as he exhaled small huffs. He sat down properly and leaned against the bathroom wall.

“Can I go first?” Joe asked sheepishly.

Nicky nodded.

“I am so sorry about that video Nicky. You had one limit and I crossed it and that is not okay. I was distracted and I wasn’t thinking but those aren’t excuses. I should’ve done better. I’m sorry that I violated your trust.”

Nicky stared at him, an unreadable look on his face.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me, right away, or at all, but I just need you to know how much I regret what I did.” Joe’s words, the ones he’d thought about night after night, seemed to deflate in the air around them.

“Oh Joe,” Nicky said, his eyes soft and sad. “Of course I forgive you. You can’t doubt that.”

Joe looked at him in disbelief. “I do! I do doubt that. Nicky, I fucked up in a big way and you haven’t so much as texted me in a month.” Joe’s voice rasped, the loneliness of the past month hitting him all at once. With Nicky here in front of him, he couldn’t ignore just how much his absence weighed heavy on his heart.

Nicky took a deep breath.

“My turn?” He asked. Joe nodded slowly.

“I’m sorry for being so distant,” He began. “And I’m sorry for ruining that video, and I’m sorry for putting you in that position when I knew I couldn't handle myself. It was selfish of me. And you’ve been so kind to me, too kind.”

Joe opened his mouth to speak, to refute, but he shut it again, sensing Nicky had more to say.

“I owe you an explanation.” Nicky continued. “It’s the least I owe you.”

Nicky had grown pale. His shoulders hunched up, and his eyes were distant. Joe reached out, taking Nicky’s hand in his bandaged one.

“You don’t have to,” Joe whispered.

Nicky shot him a pained smile, brushing a thumb over Joe’s knuckles. “I want to.”

Joe nodded.

“I’ve actually always loved when people played with my hair, ever since I was small,” Nicky began. “I guess my scalp is very sensitive.” He shrugged. “But, when I was eighteen, when I was really discovering who I was, I started dating an older man.” Nicky swallowed. “Married.”

Joe held his breath. It was the first time Nicky had ever talked about a past relationship. Nicky looked so incredibly raw and exposed Joe wanted to cover him up again but instead he stayed utterly silent, holding Nicky’s hand loosely.

“He… he treated me like shit to be honest,” Nicky said a bitter laugh in his throat. “But I was young and I thought it was love.” He met Joe’s eyes for a moment then glanced back down to their hands. “But he was married and he didn’t care about me. I was just so desperate for any scrap of affection. I was so willing to ignore other’s feelings, my own dignity. And I knew what I was doing was wrong and hurtful but every time I tried to leave …” Nicky took a deep breath.

“Every time I tried to leave, I let him reel me back. It always ended with him …” He paused again. “With him fucking me in some cheap hotel room and leaving. But the one thing he always did, the one thing I always asked him to do, was pull my hair.” Nicky took a deep, shuddering breath.

The pieces started clicking into place. Joe wanted to be sick.

“It took a long time, after I finally broke it off with him, to even look at myself in the mirror again.” Nicky steadied himself. “I promised myself I would never let myself become so careless, so desperate ever again. And I was doing fine, good even. I managed to live my life without hurting anyone, without letting anyone get close enough to hurt me. And then I met you.”

Nicky brought his other hand up and Joe immediately reached for it. It was freezing, as if all the blood in Nicky’s body had gone directly to his heart. Joe brought Nicky’s palm to his face, which was hot with new understanding.

Nicky let out a choked noise as he looked at Joe, his eyes burning.

“I met you and for some reason you offered me all this attention and affection and it was…” Nicky looked around as if the words would materialize in front of him. “It was like the sun had emerged from the clouds.”

Nicky’s thumb stroked along Joe’s cheekbone, so softly, as if Joe was made of glass.

“And I thought, as long as I had some barrier, some rules, I could hide that side of me. As long as you didn’t see the desperate, needy monster I am, it would be okay.” Nicky said, his voice thick.

Joe clamped his mouth shut, the muscle in his jaw jumping wildly under Nicky’s fingers. He so wanted to interrupt but he knew Nicky also needed the catharsis of revelation, he needed Joe to see him in this moment and Joe would never deny him that.

“But as usual, I fucked everything up. I let myself get more and more attached to you. I thought I could keep what we had going without ever having to reveal what I am to you. But it didn’t work. And then I ghosted you because I was too much of a coward to deal with it. I was afraid if you knew how much I was willing to debase myself for the merest crumb of affection you wouldn’t be able to look at me anymore, let alone touch me,” Nicky exhaled shakily.

Joe noticed then that Nicky was trembling, adrenaline pumping through his veins. Joe readjusted himself so he was kneeling between Nicky’s knees on the floor. He dropped Nicky’s hands and took hold of his shoulders firmly.

“It’s okay to want things, Nicky. Fuck that guy for making you feel like you don’t deserve love or affection,” Joe said, trying to maintain some semblance of calm in his voice. “And fuck him for using your body against you.”

Joe’s hands travelled up to Nicky’s face and he let out a muffled sob, his face contorting painfully.

“You are so worthy, Nicky. From the moment I met you I wanted to be closer to you. Every moment I spend with you makes that want grow deeper and deeper.” Joe found he was whispering now, close to Nicky’s ear. “You are so important to me.”

And then Nicky was crying, great big tears tracking their way down his face. The sobs seemed to be wrenched from his body and all Joe could do was hold him, rub his back. Nicky clutched onto him like he was driftwood in an ocean, the only hope for salvation.

Joe held him back tightly, he wanted to shush him, soothe him but he sensed that Nicky needed this, he needed someone to listen to his pain.

Joe could do that, he thought, he would let Nicky cry forever if he needed to.

After what seemed like forever, Nicky looked up at Joe, his eyes bright, the green-blue contrasted with the now bright red rims. “Why are you so good to me?” He asked, his voice so small it made Joe’s chest ache.

“Because you deserve it,” Joe answered instantly. “Because I care about you, so much.”

Nicky’s chin trembled, he looked away from Joe as if it was painful for him just to see the adoration there. He wept, silently this time, and Joe leaned in to wipe the tears away. He followed each brush of his thumb with his lips, placing reverent, chaste kisses on each of Nicky’s tear-stained cheeks.

Nicky looked up at him, a question in his eyes.

Joe smiled tenderly down, an answer on his lips.

Nicky surged up to kiss Joe, soft and wet. And Joe reciprocated gently. They stayed there for a moment, then Nicky leaned back. A shy smile reflected in each of their faces. Joe ran his hands up and down Nicky’s arms, soothing any nervousness that buzzed through him.

Joe got up suddenly and grabbed Nicky a glass of water from the sink. Nicky drank it down gratefully.

“I should…” Nicky said finally, moving to get up. Once standing they realized just how cramped the bathroom was.

They stood there for a moment. Joe brought his other hand up to Nicky’s wet face. He traced the dark circles there. Nicky looked so tired.

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” Nicky mumbled.

“Stay,” Joe said quietly, taking his hand and not letting go.

They drifted through the apartment to the bedroom. The rain was still tapping lightly against the window as Joe looked around. Not too messy, he thought with relief. Some clothes were scattered about the floor and there was a precarious pile of books on his nightstand but other than that it was fit for a guest. His bed, soft olive linen sheets, a fluffy down duvet, looked incredibly inviting.

“Is that my sweater?” Nicky suddenly asked.

There it was, balled up by Joe’s pillow.

Joe thought about lying. He thought about flinging it into the corner and asking, What sweater? I don’t see a sweater. But he was tired. He was tired of hiding and after Nicky had let himself be seen so raw, so thoroughly exposed, it felt only fair.

He looked at Nicky meaningfully. “Yes.”

Nicky smiled but Joe could see his eyes were becoming misty again.

“No more of that, come on.” Joe got them each some sweatpants and soft old t-shirts. He turned away as Nicky changed, oddly nervous all of the sudden. Joe jumped quickly into the bed and fluffed up the pillows, mushed around the duvet. Nicky followed.

Joe settled quickly while Nicky fidgeted a bit, trying to get comfortable. Finally Joe gently turned him on his side and looped his arms around him. Nicky exhaled and rested an arm atop Joe’s.

“You know,” Nicky whispered, so quiet that Joe might’ve missed it. “Every night, I put on your videos but I just …” Joe could sense a confession coming, the type of honesty that only comes in total darkness, in a shared bed with your eyes shut, when the whole world is asleep. “I would just skip to the end and I would play it over and over again.”

Joe smiled, his heart beating forcefully in his chest as he pulled Nicky closer to him. His lips brushed Nicky’s ear and Nicky shivered.

“Sweet dreams, Nicky. I’ll take care of you. I love you.” Joe whispered, over and over and over again until Nicky was asleep in his arms.

When Joe awoke he was sure it was still nighttime, yesterday’s rain still pattered against the window. And in his arms was a solid, heavy weight. Nicky, his heart. He pulled himself closer, resting his nose along Nicky’s neck. He inhaled softly. And there it was, Nicky’s distinctive smell but deeper, he smelled sweetly of earth, of smoke, and Joe realized with a clench of his heart, of Joe.

Joe nuzzled in deeper, as if he could bury himself in Nicky.

“Mmm,” Nicky hummed. He pulled Joe’s arm tighter across his middle and nestled back into him.

“Do you have anywhere to be this morning?” Joe asked.

Nicky shook his head, “Just here. With you.”

Joe squeezed Nicky tighter and Nicky burrowed backward even closer. It was only then, as the long line of Nicky’s body pressed against him, that Joe realized he was achingly hard.

“Sorry,” he murmured as he awkwardly disentangled their bodies.

“No more apologies,” Nicky said, turning around to face him. His eyes were heavy, full of something Joe hadn’t seen before.

“Are you sure?” Joe asked. ‘There’s no rush. This can wait.” I would wait for you for a thousand years, he thought, I would wait for you forever.

Nicky shook his head. “No more waiting.”

He brought a hand up to Joe’s face and pulled him into a kiss. A morning kiss, full of the stale taste of sleep, but Joe didn’t care. Nicky’s mouth parted and Joe explored him with his tongue. He felt drunk, the way Nicky’s body started to move against him, the breathy noises coming out of his mouth.

Nicky inhaled sharply as Joe’s knee slotted between Nicky’s brushing against his cock with the slightest pressure.

“Okay?” Joe asked, pulling back, holding Nicky’s face in his hands.

Nicky nodded quickly.

Joe turned Nicky’s head to the side and started planting light, gentle kisses down the long vein of his neck. He watched in awe as Nicky’s body reacted to him, he shook and arched and let out the smallest of breathy moans. Joe licked a stripe back up Nicky’s neck, nipping at his earlobe.

Joe inhaled sharply as Nicky’s cold hands found their way under Joe’s soft t-shirt. Nicky traced the divots of his hips, trailed his fingers up across Joe’s stomach, up to his chest.

“Off?” Nicky asked, finding his movements encumbered by the fabric.

Joe was up and flinging his shirt off before Nicky could even finish his request. It ricocheted off a lamp which went crashing to the ground.

Nicky smiled, a bubbling of laughter threatening to escape.

Joe smiled back at him and felt a rush of affection so strong he felt lightheaded. Nicky was here, in his bed, Nicky was here, smiling, in his bed. For a moment, Joe thought it must be a dream, there was no way he was this lucky.

“Come here,” Nicky said softly, dragging him back down.

Joe found himself on his back, legs splayed open, as the solid heavy weight of Nicky rested on top of him. Nicky kissed his eyebrows, his eyes, his nose, each corner of his lips, all the small hidden spots of Joe as if he was charting a topographical map, as if every spot of Joe was special and worthy.

Joe ran his fingers up and down Nicky’s back and arms. He watched as the goosebumps rushed across his skin. He listened as Nicky exhaled loudly in his ear. He wanted Nicky’s shirt off too, he wanted to see that broad expanse of him again.

As if reading his mind, Nicky sat back for a moment and slowly took off his own shirt. He gave Joe a shy smile, as if this were the first time Joe was really seeing him.

Joe sat up quickly to cover him in his arms. “You are so beautiful.”

Nicky smiled and ran his fingers through Joe’s beard. “When you say it like that I almost believe it.”

Joe closed his eyes and nuzzled into Nicky’s neck. “I will tell you every day for the rest of time until you do.”

Joe hugged Nicky tighter and shifted them so Nicky was now lying on his back. Joe, above him, began the excruciatingly slow and lovely work of undoing him.

He kissed his shoulders, his neck, his collarbones, he took each nipple in his mouth, rolling and sucking and nipping until they were rock hard. He traced I love you again and again across his ribs. And again and again Joe returned to kiss Nicky’s lips, to pour and drink every drop of affection there.

Below him, Nicky was lost in sensation. His body shivering with each touch, his throat straining to keep down the mewling and keening that was starting to escape.

“Okay?” Joe asked, checking in again. He had settled himself to Nicky’s side and his palm was resting with heavy even pressure on Nicky’s lower abdomen, where a light trail of hair disappeared below Nicky’s sweatpants.

Nicky nodded, unable to form a coherent word as Joe’s hand dipped below the hem of his underwear and started to palm against Nicky’s already leaking cock.

“Oh god,” Nicky whispered, his hips jutting against Joe. Joe released Nicky for a moment, brought his hand to his lips and spit forcefully. Nicky let out a breathy moan, full of want.

Joe returned to stroking Nicky in earnest and paying careful attention to when a slight angle of the wrist or change in pace caused Nicky to inhale or moan. The soft noises he let out became louder, more urgent as Joe sped up. He could feel Nicky shaking and shuddering beneath him. It wouldn’t be long now.

“Joe, I’m gonna…” Nicky said frantically, his hips stuttering and knees drawing up, Joe holding him and stroking him through it. Joe could see tears beading at the corners of his eyes.

“Go on, I’ve got you,” Joe whispered right into his ear.

And Nicky came with a shout. Joe’s hand was sopping with his release as it pulsed out, hot and fluid, over his fist. Some of it smeared on Nicky’s belly but most was trapped under clothes.

Nicky’s eyes were still screwed shut and his chest was heaving. Joe’s breath matched his.

“Holy shit,” Nicky breathed.

“Good?” Joe smiled, he allowed himself to indulge in a moment of smugness.

Nicky opened his eyes and looked at Joe. If Joe thought he’d seen Nicky relaxed before, this was a whole new level. His eyes were soft, there didn’t seem to be an ounce of tension left in his body. Joe leaned against him and kissed him hard.

Nicky smiled as much as his now-lazy mouth would allow. He looked down to where Joe’s erection was pressed up against his hip.

Nicky lifted his hand but Joe stopped him, entwining their fingers.

“Rest, my heart.”

He brought their hands up to Nicky’s face and he released himself from his sweatpants, positioned himself so that his cock was trapped between their stomachs. A little bit of Nicky’s come eased the way as Joe started rolling his hips slowly against Nicky, chasing the friction there. He cupped Nicky’s jaw and Nicky placed his hand over his. He stared up at him with such naked affection that Joe wondered if it was possible to pass out from being loved too deeply.

Nicky was leaning into his touch, kissing Joe’s palm like it was holy. And then, slowly, he lifted Joe’s hand up, rested it on top of his hair.

Joe froze, his cock twitched at the sudden stop in motion.

“Are you sure?” Joe asked, his fingers completely still. The last thing he wanted to do was confuse Nicky, make him regret a single moment of this, cross another line.

“I…” Nicky paused, he held Joe’s wrist as if it were an anchor. “I want it.” His voice was low and suddenly serious. “I trust you.”

Joe nodded and slowly, carefully, threaded his fingers through the soft hair. Nicky closed his eyes and moaned so deeply Joe could feel it reverberate through his chest, through his abdomen, right against Joe’s cock which was messy and leaking and desperate.

Nicky looked up at him and shot him a lopsided smile.

“Go on,” Nicky urged, tilting up his pelvis a few times to nudge Joe back into motion.

Joe groaned and started fucking into the space between them in earnest. His hand curling and petting through Nicky’s hair with abandon. Nicky let out low hungry moans which Joe leaned down and captured with his mouth.

“Nicky,” Joe gasped as his rhythm became erratic, the pressure building, the drag on his cock on the verge of too much.

Nicky looked up at him, face full of bliss. “Ti amo, ti amo, ti amo,” he whispered over and over again as Joe’s orgasm crashed over him. His hips pushed forcefully once, twice more as his come spread hot and sticky between them.

Neither of them moved for what seemed like forever. They simply stared at each other in loving disbelief. Eventually Joe cleaned them up with a stray t-shirt, Nicky got up to make them coffee. Joe followed and nearly bumped into Nicky who was frozen in the doorway, surveying the damage from the night before.

“What were you even doing in here?” Nicky asked with a smile as started to move through the kitchen, avoiding the mess as he filled up the coffee pot.

“I was making a grand gesture,” Joe said, unsure of even how to pronounce the dish that now seemed like a distant memory.

“So much for that,” Nicky chuckled as he picked a few pieces of charred vegetable matter off the stove.

Joe sidled up behind Nicky, looping his arms around his middle and tucking his head against his neck. “I think it worked out just fine.”

Nicky hummed and leaned back into him. He craned his neck and placed a soft kiss on Joe’s temple.

Joe wondered idly, as they swayed and watched the coffee percolate, if Booker and Nile had put a bet down. He wondered how insufferable Booker would be now that he’d won.

We made it! Thank you being patient while I indulge in some angsty-loving. I have one more ASMR-y part/ happy wrap-up planned for this and then I will clean up and post on Ao3! Your comments really make my day so thank you so much to all of you for reading and commenting :)

😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏 the joy i felt seeing this updating!!! Hnnghh I love everything about this!

❤❤

Fills Post #2

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